Wednesday, June 23, 2004

I've spent a lot of time seeing movies so far this summer.
So far, here's what I have for y'all.

The Tweeker Chicks Movie Reviews

The Chronicles of Riddick
Honestly, I am the wrong person to judge a Vin diesel flick. I could pay $8.50 to sit there and watch him pick his nose, and leave giving it rave reviews simply because I'd give my left arm to sleep with him. That being said, I love this movie. It is the sequel to Pitch Black, which is a definite must watch if you want to see this movie and have the slightest idea what the fuck is going on. My biggest complaint are the battle scenes. Let's face it, Vin Diesel, although my future husband, is not exactly a Shakespearian actor. But when it comes to physical challenges, he has the market. Which is why the lighting and camera angles in the fight scenes baffle me. Vin runs around with Alexa Davalos, kicking the shit out of people, and you are lucky to get a good peek at those sexy arms. That being said, the plot needs some work, but I left the theatre horny as hell from watching Vin Diesel run around killing people. I give it a A-.

Shrek 2

I didn't want to see this movie at first, seeing as I was on the date from hell, but honestly, it made my night. I laughed my ass off. The only down side was the theatre full of children. But if you can handle that or hit a late show, see it. It's hilarious. I give it an A.

The Terminal

Being a huge Tom Hanks fan didn't save me from thinking that this movie sucked. It had a lot of potential, what with Tom Hanks and a bunch of cute foreign people...But fell flat on it's face. There wasn't enough time for the relationship between the two characters to be even remotely believable, the plot was sketchy and after awhile I just wanted to run out of the theatre. The only thing this movie had was product placement. A hell of a lot of product placement. Krispy Kreme, Hugo Boss, Borders, Burger King, Sbarro, Starbucks, Sam Goody and Swatch are just a few of the places forced upon the viewer. It was a 2 hour commercial with a few cute moments. I give it a C-.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
I hate Harry Potter. With a passion. This is not news. But I hate to admit it, the movie was super cute. It was actually entertaining. However, I am now the worst person alive, because the entire movie all I was thinking was "God damn, Harry Potter is gonna be a fucking hottie when he turns 18". When does he turn 18? Anyone? Oh yea, I give it a B.

Mean Girls
Typical teenage girl shit. Same type of deal as Clueless except without the amusing voiceovers. Some of the scenes are funny, but a blind retarded monkey could see where the plot was going. I give it a B, but only because it kept the girls at work quiet for more than an hour.

Saved is by far the funniest movie I've seen in a long damn time. Not only did Macaulay Culkin grow up and actually get kinda cute, the movie was hysterical. Nothing like poking fun at overly religious people to brighten my day. It even answered the age old question of "What's the only reason a Christian girl comes downtown to the Planned Parenthood clinic?". The obvious answer being "Plant a pipe bomb?" Sadly, the movie got a little bit typical-teen-movie-ish at the end, but all in all it is still hilarious. Any movie where Mandy Moore chucks a bible at someone, runs her handicapped van into a large statue of Jesus, and tries to kidnap someone and perform an exorcism in a van gets an A+ from me.

So to make a long post short, go see Vin half nakie, giggle at Saved, brave the crowds for Shrek and make sure your stoned if you see The Terminal, it's a better way to pass the time.

I'm off, happy birthday to Deanne, who's 21 tomorrow! YAY. May there be many beer bongs and naked men in your future (especially if I'm gonna be there).

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