Wednesday, June 30, 2004

I have some good news for my male (and a few of my female) readers. I'm single again! Because I'm sure the dipshit reads my blog on occasion, I'm going to outline here just why things didn't work out.

Mistake #1
You wanted all sorts of commitment. I can't commit to a brand of toothpaste. I'm sure your mother is a real nice lady, however I don't want to meet her.

Mistake #2
The stuffed animals. One is cute. My bed now looks like I live with a 5 year old child. Why not give me something useful? I need a new coffee pot and I found a real nice blender I like.

Mistake #3
Calling my cell phone, and then my house when I don't pick up my cell phone. If I don't pick up one, chances are I won't pick up the other. Especially if I feel like you are stalking me.

Mistake #4
Trying to talk out our relationship at work. Not the time, or the place. I'm busy trying to care for abused/abandoned/neglected/otherwise disadvantaged children, and you are asking me about "us".

Mistake #5
This one was the kicker. You hurt me. You left a bruise. A BRUISE motherfucker. If you want my attention, that is fine, but grabbing my arm hard enough to leave a hand print is not acceptable. I was trying to walk away to go work, that's all. Had I popped you in the mouth, it would be different. Considering I was merely walking away, leaving a bruise is not alright.

Why would you post all that on your blog, a person might ask? Simple. I want to explain where my bruises came from, why his eye is swollen shut, and why I don't ever have to worry about you even so much as looking at me crooked again.

Moving on, I found the funniest new site. Modified Living. Fraternity, Sorority and random other humor, coupled with Amish Porn? You can't beat that with a stick. Enjoy. I plan on adding it to my links as soon as I stop being a lazy bitch. (In other words, it might be awhile).