Wednesday, June 09, 2004

I am so sick and tired of hearing about Howard Stern being fined for indecency. Let me lay this out flat. I don't like him. At all. I don't find his show in the least entertaining, and I'm pretty sure I think he's an asshole. But for the love of Bob, can we leave the man alone? He's being fined over a million dollars because our lovely government has deemed a show that mentioned anal sex indecent. I want to know two things. 1) Who deemed anal sex indecent? I mean, it's not on my top ten list of things to do (at least while sober), but I don't think its indecent. Unless your doing it with the family ferret or something. 2) Where the fuck is Oprah's fine? She aired a show at 4 AM graphically describing anal sex, oral sex, and all sorts of other things I didn't know existed until I discovered internet porn. Not one second of that show was censored out, but when clips were played on the Howard Stern show, there were more bleeps than on the last episode of the Osbournes.

Check out these clips from the Oprah show, which airs at 4 PM with all sorts of after school programming.
Clip One

Oprah: Lets talk about that secret language Michelle.
Michelle: Yes
Oprah: I didn't know any of this
Michelle: I have yea, I have gotten a whole new vocabulary let me tell ya
Oprah: I did not know any of this
Michelle: Salad tossing, cucumbers, lettuce tomatoes ok
Oprah: ok so so what is a salad toss?
Michelle: ok a tossed salad is, get ready hold on to your underwear for this one, oral anal sex, so oral sex with the anus is what that would be.

Clip Two
Michelle: A rainbow party is an oral sex party. It's a gathering where oral sex is performed and rainbow comes from all of the girls put on lipstick and each one puts her mouth around the penis of the gentleman or gentlemen who are there to receive favors and makes a mark um in a different place on the penis hence the term rainbow.

Now look at this clip from the Howard Stern show, which airs late at night.

HS: Howard Stern
RQ: Robin Quivers
MV: Male Cast Member

HS: Yeah, but nobody knows what it is. A blumpkin I can explain it cleanly.
RQ: There's nothing clean about a blumpkin.
HS: Well, a blumpkin is receiving oral sex while you're sitting on a toilet bowl if you are a man. You're sitting on a toilet bowl and uh, while you're evacuating you receive your oral.
RQ: Ick.
HS: And uh, then, what did I say yesterday too you didn't understand? Balloon knot?
RQ: Yes, I don't know what that is. Somebody said to me "is that the funniest thing ever?" and I was like "what is that?"
HS: A balloon knot
RQ: I didn't want to show my ignorance, I laughed too.
HS: A balloon knot I'm gonna post these on a web site
RQ: Yeah, we need a dictionary for this show.
HS: A balloon knot is when you bend over and I can see up right up your old
RQ: Up the wazoo?
HS: Up the wazoo and uh, you know that's a balloon knot that you see. That's called a "balloon knot."
RQ: Really, I did not know that.
HS: Think about it, it looks like a balloon knot.
RQ: I don't know. Oh you know what
HS: Tie up a balloon.
RQ: I'm just thinking of a balloon knot
MV: It all makes sense, Robin, come on.
HS: And uh, what else did I say? "Nasty Sanchez," you didn't know what that was.
RQ: Oh, I don't even want to know half the time what these things are
HS: That I'd have to post on the internet.
RQ: 'Cause there've been a number of terms used lately. Would you do 'cause KC's always blurtin' them out.
HS: "Strawberry shortcake"
RQ: "Strawberry shortcake" I've never heard of. "Dirty Sanchez"
HS: "Nasty Sanchez."
RQ: What is the others KC?
MV: I heard a new one the other day. It was the "David Copperfield."
HS: That's right.
MV: Okay, do you want to explain it, since I... When you're goin' like a dog
HS: Right.
MV: and you're about to finish and instead you don't finish, you spit on her and then you turn around and when she turns her face around then you go So it's kind of like an illusion
HS: Right.
MV: to David Copperfield.
RQ: Sleight of hand.
HS: Misdirection.
MV: Classic misdirection.
HS: You trick her. There's a million of them, but uh, I'll post them on the web.
RQ: Yes, because people need to know. These aren't in the regular dictionary.

Now what the fuck? And Howard gets blamed while Oprah sits around on her empire? Yea. That's what I thought.
I say fire them all and let me take over. I can show those mother fuckers what obscene really is.

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