Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The more I hear about the Fall TV Lineups, the more I realize it's all the same shit rehashed over and over again. Sure, there's the Show That Started It All, but shortly thereafter there are 29 shows just like it with a little twist. 

So after some tireless research* I came up with the mix of shows every network is using this fall for it's lineup. 

*A highly scientific study done while I was stranded on the couch for  a week with pneumonia and nothing better to do. 

1. Some person somewhere has some sort of abnormality or special ability. Will this person who lives a normal life just like the rest of us despite being leaps and bounds more beautiful than any of us manage to overcome the fact that they're different and use their ability for good? Or will they slip in to evil? This show tends to be punctuated by the phrase "I'm not normal!" or "I just want to be normal!".  Which tends to be enough for normal people to want to reach through the television set and strangle them.

2. An elite team of forensic scientists/investigators/detectives/hyper observant people solve crimes that puzzle the FBI/CIA/local cops in less than an hour, with time for the foregin/exotic looking team member to rebuke the frat boy team member much to the joy of the nerdy computer geek team member in a way that makes the tough yet lovable team leader smile warmly instead of telling them to get the fuck back to work. 

3. A bunch of gorgeous women will spend an hour of your time sitting around drinking expensive coffee, and chatting about relationship issues that no one actually has. The premise for this show is simple and foolproof. Take The View, make the actors more attractive, and in between bitching and moaning about things no one cares about, throw in a steamy love affair with the gardener, so the normal women all over America who live in a huge house in Suburbia and sleep with their gardeners can relate. All one of them. Apparently the pilot for the more realistic show of "single women who live in shitty apartments and make bad decisions after drinking" was axed by the network. 

4. A team of psychics will cavort around in the dark, informing all of America about their Solar Plexus, and overreacting when they hear static over a radio. The real excitement comes when one of them looks at the thermometer and notices...THE TEMPERATURE HAS DROPPED. This is must see TV, people. It's not every day you get to see someone in flowy netural colored clothing so affected by the climate.

5. An elite team of people who have very important jobs as surgeons/nuclear physicists/police men go about their normal day, which are so ironic and hilarious the rest of us wonder why we never became surgeons/nuclear physicists/police men because the job is so obviously simple, they have the entire day to play hilarious pranks on each other.

6. A handful of super successful executives live at the office, which is apparently located in a magical land where the secretary sleeps with you and no one seems to notice that you keep a bottle of bourbon in your desk.

7. A group of quirky friends with a variety of odd low paying jobs somehow manage to  live in a very nice loft in a major city despite being paid next to nothing, and muddle through and subsequently destroy relationships most of us would love to have, finally settling on one of their equally quirky and original friends to settle down with, and then break up with, and then settle down with again.

8. Finally! A game show involving nothing but pure luck and basic intelligence, allowing any asshole with a mullet and enough knowledge to finish the sentence "Duck Duck _____" to make more money in a half an hour than you will in your entire life, and then piss it all away on scratch off tickets and booze.

9. Police men from various parts of the world are filmed doing their jobs. Which, if this show tells us anything, involves more encounters with topless coeds than it does actual criminals. Keep up the good work, guys. I'm sure the cops who get shot at on a regular basis appreciate your sacrifices.

10. A man/car/employee/criminal is busted cheating/slamming/stealing/robbing on his girlfriend/into another car/from the store/a bank on hidden camera. The ensuing cluster fuck is caught on film! If it's a really high class show, a psychic will be involved.

And they say being a TV executive is hard, I've got this shit on lockdown.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I'm penning a longer post for today, but you might notice I had to change the format for the comments. Nothing major, you now have to be logged in to leave comments. 

Yea, I'm not a fan either.

However, I've had some problems the past few months with some harassment, and what the authorities refer to as "stalking". Hopefully I'll be able to loosen the reigns again soon, because I hate to stifle the voices that like to tell me that I'm wrong.

That being said, if the situation doesn't clear up, the next step is to moderate all comments, which is something I want to avoid. Mostly because I've never deleted a comment that painted me in a bad light, and I don't feel like dealing with those accusations now. 

That and it's a whole lot of fucking work I just don't want to deal with. 

Friday, October 24, 2008

Life has been interesting lately, I know I haven't been around. 
I need to find a new part time job (layoffs),  I've been sick, and a few minutes ago my boyfriend decided to dump me.

Awesome timing. 

It's partially my fault: I'm busy all the time lately and I've not had time for myself, not to mention anyone else. 

I'll give him props, it was one of the more creative breakup speeches I've ever heard. He's not blaming me but he's not taking any responsibility for himself. That works, I suppose. 

Maybe it was one of those things, maybe we are better off as friends and instead of dealing with that I subconciously acted like an asshole. 

But I can't get too upset I suppose. Sometimes life sucks. 

I just wish he'd stop being salty about it.