Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I'm in the computer lab, and god damn am I annoyed.
I've been trying for over an hour to write a 2 page paper.
I can't get anything done, because some people just don't know how not to act like an asshole in public.
So, I will provide you with a quick guide.

Clare's Guide To Not Being A Huge Asshole During Finals
1. If you are in a computer lab, shut the fuck up. Seriously. Unless you are doing small group work, shut your hole. If you are doing small group work, keep it down. People are tired. We have shit to do. None of us give a shit that your boyfriend is a whore, that you got your little sister a necklace for Christmas, or that you don't know the definition of the word "Emo". Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
If it is so goddamn pressing, leave and go get a latte. Maybe someone there gives a flying shit what you have to say.
2. Turn your cell on vibrate, and don't fucking answer it in the library. Again. I have a 25-30 page paper due, and I don't give a shit that your sisters ex fiance isn't paying child support. The rest of us don't either.
3. The looks that you are getting from everyone are not because we think you're cute. If 7 people are staring at you, you are probably doing something obnoxious. Figure out what the fuck it is and fucking quit it.
4. Laughing is not acceptable. I know that your major of "buying cocaine inbetween manicures" is really pressing, however the rest of us are not having fun. We don't want to listen to anyone else having fun either.
5. No one wants your advice. If you ever tell anyone that I have to work with to "use big words during your presentation, you'll be fine" again, I will kick you right in the fucking cooter.
6. There is nothing wrong with looking like shit. I am going to get roughly 4 hours of sleep in the next 5 days. If I have pants on, I don't want to hear it from you.
7. If you have a fake major, no one wants to hear about how hard your final is. This rule doesn't apply for seminar students. But if I have to hear one more art major bitching about how they have to throw a pot (or smoke some pot, or something) while I'm up to my large white ass in empirical research about monkeys having sex, I will go to jail.
8. Don't ask people to switch computers so you can sit next to your friends. This is finals. Finding an empty computer is hard enough. I will not move so you can set up your sorority circle jerk in the library. This is not me being a bitch. This is me not wanting to move 12 articles, 200 pages of articles and data, and try to get all situated somewhere else.

More later, I have to go to class.
These dumb whores totally ruined my break.