Thursday, May 31, 2012

I've been trying really hard to keep myself busy, or else I'm going to curl up in a ball and just be a depressed loser. Not that being a depressed loser isn't incredibly sexy, it's just that I already have a line of men a mile long waiting outside my door for a little bit of my time and I don't want to exacerbate the situation by being even more attractive.

Ultimately, moving across the country sucks. And not just because you're away from everything you know. I am fortunate (or unfortunate enough, I'm not sure yet), to move to a place where I have some kind of support system in place already. So when that support system changes, even a little bit, that becomes incredibly difficult to deal with. I just need normal.

It almost feels like the people that are supposed to love me here love me better when I was 2000 miles away. Which sounds emo and ridiculous to even type, but a little part of me wonders if it's not true. Things were easier with me farther away because there was a little bit more distance between me and my bullshit.

That being said?

They can fucking suck it up.

I'm here now, I live here now and they will either make me a part of their lives and fucking get over it or they can eat shit.

There's no nice way to tell people you love that as weird as this is for them, it's infinitely weirder for me and I'm the one who needs support right now. I've been keeping myself super busy, but at some point there's going to be some down time and I'd prefer to not lose my shit the first time I have a weekend to myself.

It could just be me trying to ward off what is going to most likely be soul crushing depression, but right now I'm starting to lean towards angry, and I don't like it.

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