I am now Sales Coordination Specialist. Meaning all the sales people kiss my ass, and I hate my life. I hate sales. And although I'm grateful for employment, I was so depressed when I did sales I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I hate it that much. Not to mention, I am losing about a buttload in salary this year, provided I'm ONLY doing this for a month. If it goes longer, go ahead and double or triple that number.
So I am less than happy.
So, because I write when I am less than happy, I'd like to present you all with a list of things I'd rather do than sales.
Enjoy my pain.
- Any of my arch nemeses
- Take a vow of chastity
- Listen to Hollaback girl on repeat
- Give up tequila and drugs
- Watch the view
- Have any kind of oral surgery
- Poke myself in the eye
- Take it in the ass from the entire Chicago Bears football team, including Grossman who would most likely have just as much trouble finding my butt as he does a football
- Get a sex change operation
- Have a lesbian encounter with Amy Winehouse after she got her tooth fixed
- Have a lesbian encounter with Amy Winehouse before she got her tooth fixed
- Pete Dougherty
- Anything involving Martha Stewart
- Watch Catwoman again
- Befriend Paris Hilton
- Become a Scientologist
- Shove steel wool in my hoo-ha and run around the block
- Give the cast of Jackass rim jobs
- Give up caffeine
- Watch 2 girls 1 cup on a continuous loop
- Let Ron Jeremy stick it anywhere he wants
- Get a colonoscopy
- Let Britney Spears run over my foot
- Move to Utah
- Try Heroin
- Give myself a paper cut and rub lemon juice in it
- Try microdermabrasion with a sandblaster
- Pick up an STI from the guy who played the fat guy in Seven
- Lick Hillary Clinton's kankle
- Bite Ross Perot's nipple
- Vote for Bush
- Move to Canada
- Jam a fork under my fingernail
- Cut my hair into the bulldyke mullet and wear flannel
- Snort cocaine cut with laxatives
- Wear nothing but flowy clothing in earth tones like those nutty feminists do
- Sell my favorite and beloved little Pomeranian to the Chinese food restaurant near my house
- Listen to my twin sister screech
- Roll around in the snow naked in the parking lot of Pow's office
- Get caught shoplifting in Singapore with a joint in my pocket
- Go to the south side in the middle of the night and randomly call people 'Mick' "Shant" and "Paddy"
- 3 some with my ex boyfriend and his current slut (someone call him his dream has come true)
- Get myself a girlfriend and a guide on fisting
- Go blonde
There are more but my fingers hurt.
GAHHH. I think I just had a stroke.