Wednesday, August 20, 2008

For the past 8 years (literally) every single month I go to my doctor and get the same 5 prescriptions. They are the same thing every time: inhaled steroid, ritalin (2 bottles, 5 and 10 mgs), an albuterol inhaler, and allegra D. The inhaled steroids, and Ritalin are some pretty heavy scripts.

I went in yesterday with my little stack of prescriptions, written by the same doctor at the same time like he does EVERY MONTH FOR THE PAST 8 YEARS.

The pharmacist goes ahead and fills the steriod, the ritalin, and the allegra D.

She then tells me that she can't fill the inhaler (Which I absolutely 100% CAN NOT be without)

We have the following conversation:
PharmacyLady: I can't fill this the signature doesn't match.
Me: It should, call my doctor.
PharmacyLady: I did.
Me: And?
PharmacyLady: They said they signed it, but I need a valid prescription.
Me: If they signed it wouldn't that make it a valid prescription?
PharmacyLady: If they signed it. I'm not convinced they did.
Me: Can I have the prescription back then?
PharmacyLady: I can't give you back a forged prescription.
Me: Excuse me?
PharmacyLady: This is obviously a forged prescription.
Me: You're actually going to let me walk out of here with steriods and speed, but not an inhaler.
PharmacyLady: Its not valid.
Me: You're right. Fuck oxycodone, valium, vicodin, xanax, percoset...Ive been forging ALBUTEROL prescriptions for 8 years and getting high off of it. I mean really, THATS the primo shit. Call the Feds, you caught me.

I then took my toys and left. Called my doctor who has known me literally my entire life to get a new one.
"Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you, did you tell the pharmacist you've been forging prescriptions for 8 years?"

You've got to be kidding me.

Speechless. I am. Speechless.

It was a joke, which I thought was blatantly obvious by my use of the phrase "That's the primo shit". Seriously, like I'd forge albuterol. If I'm gonna get blown off of illegally obtained prescription meds, I'm getting high off of acne cream and antacids, bitches.


PecanCtMichael said...

Must be a new pharmacist. You should change pharmacies. I have a total crush on my pharmacist at Target, so I'm sticking with them.

Bartski said...


JustSumDude said...

Dope is for dopes.

Bartski said...

If you ever come down from that Albuterol high, you should consider an update. I'm going into withdrawals here...

calisurfing said...

that's the primo shit! lol You should have said yiu laced it with something lol

dark_one said...

My name is Nathan Finch and i would like to show you my personal experience with Ritalin.

I am 32 years old. Have been on Ritalin for 2 years now. This drug has saved my life. I have seen drastic differences between times in my life when I was taking it and when I was not. I failed out of one school and graduated top of my class in the next. Floated from job to job and then became very successful. I don't like the way I feel when I am taking it (I'm boring -- no personality) so, I time my doses to help me in the office or when I have to focus on mundane task's at home like paying bills, taxes etc. and then go without it when I'm recreating.

I have experienced some of these side effects-
Initially some apatite suppression, insomnia and slight gitters. This was corrected by reducing my afternoon dose.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Nathan Finch

Ritalin Prescription Medication