Monday, March 24, 2008

There are certain things by whatever force of nature, just happen.

Spring follows winter. The sun rises every day, and sets every night. Gravity will always keep us from flying randomly off of the earth. Skinned knees will always hurt more than major injuries. Much like earthquakes, tornadoes, droughts, volcanic eruptions, there are some forces of nature that just can't be prevented. The most classic example of this phenomenon is my ability to embarrass myself every single time I leave the house.

It is a force that can't be contained, at this point NASA is busy trying to figure out how mitigate the damage left in my wake.

My sleep schedule is massively screwed up at the moment. And I mean massively. Since Wednesday, I have averaged 3 hours or less of sleep a night. Now, to function as a normal human I need at least 6 hours of sleep, 8 if you want me to be nice.

I flew out of O'Hare Airport to Indianapolis on Saturday morning at 6:00 AM. This is the shortest flight in the history of the universe. It takes literally 1 hour to get there, including check in and baggage claim. By the time I got packed and to the airport, I had clocked exactly an hour of sleep on Friday night. Tired is not the appropriate word for what I was.

Sleeping on the plane was simply not an option. I am neurotic enough that I can't fall asleep in public places. I won't do it. Something in my psyche just won't allow it, and this most likely stems from a friend of mine who once fell asleep on a train and woke up in another state. I have managed to convince myself if I was to ever fall asleep on any public transportation, I will wake up in Bolivia. It doesn't matter that the Metra doesn't go to Bolivia, I am sure I will still somehow wake up there.

So, I get to my seat next to a Vin Diesel look alike, which proves that 1) God is a Woman and 2) She loves me. We chit chat for a minute, he turns on his iPod, I pick up a magazine and try to relax.

Only to wake up about an hour later, snuggled up to Vin 2.0. And I mean snuggled. My head was nuzzled against his chest and my arm was kind of draped across him.

Apparently, my inability to fall asleep in public is only limited to times when it won't be embarrassing as shit for me.

So what do you say when you wake up half laying on the hottest guy you have ever seen?

If you're me, the answer is "Oh Jesus, I didn't drool on you did I?".

Not only did I fall asleep and then snuggle a complete (and gorgeous) stranger, I then admitted I drool.

Isn't it amazing I'm single?


Bartski said...

At least you didn't wake up with your hand on his wang.

Now "that" would have been funny.

DF said...

Pfft! You know you loved snuggling up to a manly man! ;)

janeylynn said...

I need to start taking public transportation.

Dean said...

Sorry to tell you this sweetie, but I saw a trailer for a TV movie that Chris Meloni is doing called "Gym Teacher: The Movie" and it looks horrendous. Try to erase it from your memory before you see it or it will change your opnion of him forever. You've been warned...

Matt! said...

Even more LOL than the last time. You're got a wonderful life.

Travis said...

This has happened to me with a woman. Except it was on a couch at a party, where I knew basically everyone but this gorgeous example of womanhood. I had overdone it with the combo of my medication and liquor. In the middle of chatting her up, I apparently decided that I was going to sleep in mid-sentence and promptly passed out on her shoulder, one paw on her ample chest. For some reason, she wasn't creeped out and she let me sleep on her for more than an hour, petting my head like a sick puppy. When I became somewhat lucid, she led me to the bedroom, helped me get my shoes off, and made sure my breathing didn't stop for a couple more hours.

Sadly, I didn't hear from her again until I found out she had died of a heroin overdose. I also have quit drinking, since my medication and booze obviously are not good friends. That, and I was a complete lush.