Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I am pissy today.

So instead of my usual witty and informative post, I am going to give you, quite simply, a list of things that suck.

1. Blisters. Especially ones you get on the inside of your calves. Yes, I could stop wearing hooker boots. But I'm not going to. So fuck you.

2. Insomnia. I like sleep. I get to do things in my sleep like pull off heists and sleep with movie stars. Ill take a threesome with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt over being awake any day.

3. Student loan payments. Had I known I'd be broke until roughly the end of time because of them, I never woulda gone. I wonder if they'll give me a refund.

4. Insurance Companies. Give me my $150 you tight wads.

5. Writing. Dont get me wrong, I like it. But with my real job and deadlines for writing, I work about 14 hours a day. That's a lot. I wouldn't mind as much, but the same people who have deadlines don't want to do nifty things like pay me. People like to read my writing. Because people like to read it, people publish it. Now if those same people would write me a fucking check, I'd be a happy monkey

6. Getting paid. Normally this is good. Because money buys me things that I like to eat. However, the first paycheck of the month always sucks because without fail I wind up back in negative numbers. How this happens, I don't know. I don't shop. I don't go anywhere. I don't pay for porn and I don't really eat anymore. So why the hell am I $100 in the hole before I pay rent? Oh yea. Refer to #5. Gah.

7.PMS. Would someone KINDLY remind my skin that I am not 14 anymore?

8. The 300 pound black lady in my office building. Shes cool and all, until we're all crammed in an elevator. It stops, and there she stands in all her tubby glory. And somehow she finds 8 square inches of space, and says "there's room!" and proceeds to wedge herself into the elevator. I wouldn't be suprised if she took a running start.

Bah.

If anyone knows a dermatologist with an Ambien prescription who wants to be my sugar daddy, let me know.

4 comments:

JustSumDude said...

If you find this sugar daddy, let me know if he's got a sister of equal or higher value. *thumbs up*

rob said...

choose your bank carefully next time ... ;-)

Android Christ said...

I've had that dream!

Aprill said...

I like my sleep too. But my dreams aren't as interesting as yours. No fair.