You fuckers finally found me.
I hit the bar with the hetero-girlfriend.
You know, sling back a few beers at Mis B Havens, go home early and go to bed.
Which was horribly derailed with one statement. "You look exactly like this one chick from this blog I read".
Shit.
"Clarissa, right?"
Shit.
"Say My Name, Bitch?"
Shit.
So I let him buy me a few beers, figure it was a fluke thing, and let it go.
I had no idea how wrong I was.
I went to go take a leak, and in the bathroom.
There's a girl sitting there.
"You look SO familiar."
Shit.
"Do you write?"
Shit.
"What's your name?"
Shit.
"Clarissa?! OH MY GOD ITS YOU. I read your stuff all the time, all my friends love you. You're like, a celebrity".
Shit.
Wash, rinse and repeat.
Twelve or so different people recognized me last night.
Out of nowhere.
So here.
Me signing my first autograph ever in my life. On a boob.
Someone sang a song to me about sex and shampoo bottles in interesting places.
I didn't have to buy a single drink.
A nod to the big irish bouncer who takes good care of me, even if he does make fun of how my tits get in the way of things.
I didn't even think anyone actually read this thing.
Shows what I know.
It was a strange colliding of my worlds.
To the 15 different people who bought me drinks last night, thankyou.
It was fun.
However, next time we need to alternate between beer and water, because I was definately totally in the bag.
If I didn't know better, I'd think some of my loyal readers were trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me.
I feel like Tucker Max...
But without the talent and good looks.
9 comments:
Who knew...go us!
This is is why you are my hero. The best that I could ever muster up was a bunch of people chasing me out of town with torches and pitchforks.
So this begs the question: do you think that your adoring fans will seek you out when you go out boozing again? You should pass out hard candy. Or caramels. Or blunts. Something.
hey sweetheart.....how are them worlds treating you? Ur just so popular in all.....and start taking those compliments better u definitly deserve them...ttyl beautiful :)
Babe, i am so going to take advantage of you if i ever see you drunk.
What a drag.
I have a long standing rule about celebrities.
I hope it passes, for my sake.
All I have to say is that your face that close to a boobie was hott!
Seriously, that is weird. Is that pizza offer still standing if I end up in Chicago btw?
I have never been recognized in the real world. Probably because I don't use my real name on the internets... and I rarely put up photos of my mug.
Bummer. I wanna sign boobies, too. to bad yep to bad
I don't live close to anyone who would know me from the internet, so that probably won't happen to me.
But uh,
I guess I have a confession.
Okay,
uh
I was feeling really bored one day so I was playing around with the search function on various websites, looking for people I knew and hadn't seen in a while, but I "found" you, but then I felt a little creepy so I never tried to contact you or anything like that.
Although, I did find something you wrote about going Office Space on a PS2.
Now I feel creepy again.
Okay.
It's kind of odd that you ran into several people in one night, though.
You have groupies!
And talent and good looks as it happens.
I wanna be famous for being that guy who posts lame comments on Clarissa's site.
Riding on the coattails, baby! Woo!!
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