Thursday, June 16, 2011

Another professional athlete has come out and made a statement (and what is quite honestly a really poorly produced commercial) about gays and their right to marry. He is of the impression that gays shouldn't be allowed to marry because of the opinion of an influential minority. Coming from a black professional athlete I think we should listen to him.

Hear me out before you start sending me emails about how gay people deserve the same rights as the rest of us. Professional athletes and famous rappers disagree. Who am I to argue? I've read that website that details the gay agenda, I am on to you sneaky homosexuals.

Most people are going to dismiss this man as just another homophobe who doesn't have a clue what he's taking about. This is categorically untrue.

For starters, this man is an American hero. During a foot ball game he caught a ball, causing the other team to lose. Clearly he should be given the same respect as our war veterans for this phenomenal feat of athleticism. He caught a ball people. Keep that in mind when you address him.

The rest of you are going to say he clearly knows nothing of homosexual relationships. This is also untrue. Every...many...of the days this brave, respectable man willingly chose to shower in front of other big, muscular men before proudly wearing an outfit made entirely of spandex in flamboyant colors usually only seen in cereal commercials or at pride rallies. Furthermore this man wore that outfit proudly, despite the fact that it had knee pads sewn in.

It's in this outfit that this hero to our country would train hours on end to ensure that he was the best at handling gigantic balls. It's during this training that he would be tackled to the ground by other men, also wearing bright colors and knee pads. If he did an exceptionally good job he was treated to a firm slap on the bottom by any number of grown men.

He would then retire to the locker room to once again shower with other men and get his sore, aching muscles massaged by someone with nice strong hands.

That, my dear readers, is why we need to listen to this man and what he has to say about gay marriage. If this man wants to speak about whether they have the right to marry he should be allowed to, as he clearly has been an active member of the gay community for some time now.

I for one will not sit here and tell an American hero and obviously homosexual man that his opinion on gay marriage isn't valid. Will you?

3 comments:

Ryan said...

Love you. Don't ever change.

Clare said...

Wouldn't dream of it. :) <3

Sirens and Bells said...

Oh this made me giggle <3
Sirens and Bells xx