Friday, December 11, 2009

I know it's been a little bit since I've updated and I swore that I'd be better about it, so here we are.

This whole commuting into the city thing can be kind of a mess in the winter.

If you want the truth: Chicago is a cold, windy city and in the winter it's cold, windy and wet.

There are fewer things I hate in life than being cold and wet. Except maybe being cold and wet and outside.

The problem being, if I'm running late for work, the walk from the Clark and Lake Station to the Red Line to the Pedway to my office will make me really stinking late. A little late, I can handle. This is Chicago, everyone is a little late. I try to avoid the "Holy shit is Clare even coming in today?" kind of late, at least until they hire me on permanently.

So there are a lot of cab rides. Usually, I'm not opposed to just running from Clark and Lake to my office, but there is not a chance in hell I'd do it in the winter.

I could be chased by a mob of people holding torches and pitchforks, and I still wouldn't run outside in Downtown Chicago in the winter.

Earlier this week, I decided to snag a cab as to not be ridiculously late.

I slid in and said "<Address of my work> East Wacker, please".

The cab driver nodded, and promptly turned left instead of right. It was about then that I noticed the Jesus station on the radio. Whatever, his cab, his choice, right?

I said "I'm sorry, I wanted EAST Wacker, not South Wacker"

While still heading in the opposite direction, the cabbie then asked me if I knew Jesus.

"Not personally, no. You need to turn left, you're going in the wrong direction. I wanted East Wacker".

He nodded, and while still driving in the wrong direction, proceeded to ask me if I've been saved.

"Yea, Jesus, real cool guy. EAST WACKER. You need to make a left you're going the wrong way!"

"HAVE YOU ACCEPTED JESUS AS YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR?!"

And somehow, some way, that was just it.

"Jesus wouldn't let you pad the fare. GOD DAMN IT I SAID EAST FUCKING WACKER!"

Little did I know, that in the world of Bible Thumping Cab Drivers, the phrase "God Damn it" is a secret password? Apparently, it is because the minute those words came flying out of my mouth he pulled the cab over to the shoulder and demanded that I get out.

I would be lying if I said it didn't take a second to register.

He repeated himself "get out of my cab".

I looked at him, and said "I bet Jesus never kicked anyone out of HIS cab". Then I got out and slammed the door.

I got kicked out of a cab in Chicago. I just kind of stood there for a second thinking, well, that was a first. The good news is, the cab I hailed immediately afterwards knew where my office building was, and spent the entire ride telling me inappropriate Tiger Woods' jokes.

Second cab driver, you are awesome.

3 comments:

Umgawa said...

True fact: Apparently somebody's making a porno called Tiger's Wood. I really have to get into the porno writing business. I know it can't pay much, if anything at all, but it sounds like a really fun job.

LostLocalHost said...

Look at the bright side, at least you still have a job...Oooooo, wait....





(too soon?)

Clarissa said...

Im kicking you in the face the next time I see you