I feel weird.
And that's not because I had a lot of tequila and some vodka tonight.
It's because of a guy. Yea, write that one down.
Of all people, I feel strange over a guy. And it's not what you think.
He actually likes me back and that to me is absolutely bizarre. I've spent countless hours wanting my ex back so badly that this completely blindsided me. And it's the weirdest thing ever.
He wants to do things with me. In public. That don't require drugs, alcohol and a low cut shirt. Or public indecency charges. He's met my best friend and my best friend didn't hit him in the face. He's met most of my best friends save my heterolifemate, and they all absolutely adore him. He makes me laugh, and I haven't laughed in a long time.
So whats the problem?
He likes me.
I know, how fucked up can you be Clare?
He met me a few days before some medical shit, when I was puffy on prednisone. And he still called me the next day (despite my not putting out!). And he likes me in the morning when I'm grumpy and refuse to speak to anyone. And he likes me when my eyeliner is halfway down my cheeks because I've been drinking and that's what happens when I drink. And he thinks it's cute that I'm difficult. He likes that I'm stubborn and obnoxious and a huge pain in the ass. He likes me despite the fact that I forget to eat for days at a time and sometimes my left eyebrow twitches from stress.
And I'm not sure because I wasn't ready for any of this. At all. I never thought I'd ever find one guy who liked the way I hate pickles, and only liked certain kinds of mustard. And when that one guy left I was sure that it was just it and I'd never find that again, and here it is, and it's all I can do not to completely fuck it up.
The worst part? I think he might feel the same way. His boss had to tell him to stop purposely ruining whatever it is we had. It's easy to say it's no big thing when he's not around, but when I get near him I smile. And it's been a long time since I've done that.
Oh dear lord, what have I gotten myself into?