Friday, August 10, 2007

I turn 25 on Sunday.

Now that I am in my 20's, 25 doesn't seem so bad.

However, when I was younger, 25 was OLD. Like, saggy boobs and Geritol style old. I'm that crazy person who takes stock of things on my birthday, which is by far the most depressing thing in the world.

Here's how things panned out.

Where I Thought I'd Be: Living in an awesome apartment in the city.
Where I'm At Now: I live in a craptacular apartment just outside the city, where the crazy ass landlord wants another $1000 deposit to let me renew my lease. Given it's proximity to the city, I'm marking this as a win, even if it is a piece of shit apartment.

Where I Thought I'd Be: Ruling my own country on a far away island full of natives who worshipped me.
Where I'm At Now: I'm marginally famous on the Internet. By that I mean, I wrote something that everyone and their brother plagiarizes. I need to work on this.

Where I Thought I'd Be: Working in my own office downtown.
Where I'm At Now: SCORE. Fucking score. We are moving downtown sometime in the winter.

Where I Thought I'd Be: Rich driving a Mercedes.
Where I'm At Now: Poor driving a Malibu. Well, working on the poor thing. Apparently it's a step by step process. I'm up to my butt cheeks in debt but I'm sure it'll get better.

Where I Thought I'd Be: In a long term relationship with the love of my life.
Where I'm At Now: Still bitter that I wasted my time with that jackass and having occasional deluded fantasies about attacking his car with a pick axe.

Well....2 out of 5 isn't bad?

I have faith that by some miracle on August 12th I will somehow be debt free and showered with flowers, cash, sparkly jewelry, new cars and affection from male models.

(And a quick early happy birthday to my twin sister, and my cousin Matthew who share my birthday. And a quick fuck you for taking my special day.)


Greg said...

I heart Clare...

I'm pretty close to a male model...

uncle ted said...

This is your year Clare!

As for the boobs, you don't like us staring at them anyway.

Note to Greg: Exactly how close are you..are you in fact groping your male model right now?

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, biatch. Make sure somebody at least gives your ghetto ass some birthday spankings this weekend. But stay outta trouble, I don't have bail money. And I'm going to call you OLD for the next 8ish months.
Love ya!

Sean said...


But, jesus you're old.

I'm 23 but you are so old.

Can you give me advice on mortgages and mutual funds?

K-Mart said...

Happy Birthday, Clare!

I turned 30 this past Friday. In my head, I made a similar checklist of your comparisons. You may only have 2 out of 5, but that's still 2 more than what I've got.

Hope you had a fantastic birthday. :)

rabbit said...


Happy belated birthday. You're a gorgeous, intelligent and funny female. Stay away from the pick axes.


Tom said...

blah blah blah. Sorry I missed your wondrous birthday, hope you've been having a blast the last week or so.

Catch you later!

Miss Natalie said...

Happy birthday girl

when i was younger i thought by 28 i would be married to a gorgeous guy living in a house in one of Sydney's most affluent suburbs have 2 German Shepard's, a holiday house in Europe somewhere. A killer career to service it all - where am i now? a few months away from my 29th, single, moved back home with mum after a failed relationship, just resigned from a job i haven't been happy in for the last 6 months - ha! one can only laugh...

PS found you through facebook 50 mistakes - love your work :-)

Completely said...

Hey, thought I'd drop a comment - 25 ain't so bad, you get used to it after a few months :P. Besides, at least you got a job, a car, and your health; I'm sure you can fill in the rest of that sentence :P

Anonymous said...

Damn gurrrl! I thought I had it bad with everyone wanting my money...too much taxes to pay on my 4 cars..(favorite is my Chrysler 300 ..oh yes its got a Hemi! Receiving money every month and doing nothing to get it...but da--! After reading what you had to say I am now thankful that I have these problems! : ) Smile SugAR Life gets better! 300Chrysler/ Tony Oh and by the way I do work! LOL!