Saturday, October 29, 2011

A few weekends ago, my dad invited me to go to some company event with him. This company event required me to leave my house by 5:30 AM, so I could be in a place called Vandalia Illinois by 11:30. I'm usually not the "Let's have a fun time with my father's employees!" type of girl, but I AM a daddy's girl, so my choice was pretty obvious.

I rented a cute little car, woke up early, and drove out to the middle of butt-fuck Illinois. And I mean buttfuck. The jail in this place is across the street from the highschool, I would assume so the teenagers can see a snippet of their future if they stay there.

Once I finally found the place, I pulled into the parking lot and there is a bus there. My father's employees are mingling, and I'm being introduced to a shitload of people I will never remember. Shortly thereafter I'm shuttled onto a bus, where the tour lady starts talking.

"Our first stop will be at the Rusty Penny".

What the hell is the Rusty Penny?

"A bar down the street."

And that's when it occurred to me

My father is taking me on a pub crawl.

Holy fuck this is amazing.

That my friends is exactly what happened. My father took me on a pub crawl that started at 11:30 in the morning. These people are hardcore. I knew I was in over my head when a 50 year old woman lined up 12 shots at the first bar, killed them all and then washed them down with a beer. (She hung until the end of the crawl, too.)

We actually saw a bunch of adorable bars and had a good time. And that's when shit got weird. I realized I wasn't far from my friend Jimmy from college.

The problem is that by this point I was too lubricated to make good choices.

Honestly, the next thing I remember? Waking up on my friend from college's couch. In downtown St. Louis. I woke up in another state.

The more concerning part is that the person who's couch I was sleeping on was at the time in a different state than me. I had to go through my FourSquare history to figure out where  the fuck I had even been. Turned out, my dad decided that I should have more fun, and encouraged my friend to take me and get me trashed.

Essentially, my father let me go to party with a guy he had just met and had no way of knowing and wished me luck.

I'm totally telling mom.













1 comment:

Nic said...

That's fucking legit.