Saturday, April 10, 2010

Things That Made Me Laugh This Past Week

Backstory: Spring's Boyfriend had a big bunch of sand in his vagina because they don't have enough in common. Whatever that means. So yet again, he decided to make her sit down and discuss her feelings. I'm told the middle of a very serious discussion about their relationship went something like this.

Boyfriend: We don't have enough in common, you never do anything with me.
Spring: Like what?!
Boyfriend: Like, you never go jogging with me...
Spring: Why the fuck would I go jogging, that's why I have a car.

Backstory: Her little car quip didn't go over well, he threw a fit and she called me for advice on what to do.

Clare: He wants you to show your feelings!
Spring: I don't have feelings!
Clare: Pretend! He's the chick in this relationship, obviously. What would you want if that was you?
Spring: I don't know? Send him flowers?
Clare: Spring do not send him flowers.
Spring: FINE. Send him a balloon bouquet to work?
Clare: Spring do not send him a bouquet of balloons to work.
Spring: Why not? Its the only idea I have.
Clare: Well, for starters, he works at the jail.

Irritating Hippy Spouting Off BS About the Environment Downtown: Do you want to learn about <something I blocked out because I just don't care>.
Clare: No.
Irritating Hippy: WHY DO YOU HATE THE EARTH!?
Clare: Don't be ridiculous, I don't hate the Earth. I live on it, don't I?
Homeless guy: <laughs hysterically>


Little Red said...

Utterly hilarious. You never fail to make me laugh. I found myself wondering 'She's not REALLY like that... is she?' It's wonderful.


PS You're writing a book aren't you? What is it about??

Clare said...

I just saw this.

Unfortunately, I really am like that.

All the time.