Tuesday, February 15, 2005

My comments are fixed, people. Use them. I like to get feedback. It lets me sleep better at night.

Anyway. It's the day after Valentines Day. I didn't gorge myself on chocolate. I didn't get drunk and I sure as fuck didn't get any flowers. Way to go, guys, what do I keep you around for, anyway?
Next year, here is an itemized list of what I want.
1) Chocolate. Mint meltaways from Fannie Mae, to be specific. And anything Godiva.
2) Beer. Bud light. Bottles. Yes, I know it's piss water, but I like it.
3) Chris. He still owes me drunk time. (And before I get 4 billion emails about how I'm a slut, I'd like to point out that it's not like that. He's my buddy. He owes me drunk time. It's not like I asked to see him in the nude).
4) Fight Club, Donnie Darko, Garden State and both Resident Evils. Nothing says love like shooting a gun at your invisible friend, having a jet engine fall into your bedroom (ever seen the deleted impalement scene? Wicked), having "balls" written on your forehead and having to kill zombies while wearing sexy boots. It's how I want to spend MY holiday, thankyouverymuch.
5) Chris naked. (I hadn't thought of it before #3, but in retrospect it's really not such a bad idea).
6) No classes. Really. I want to be able to sleep in the day after Valentine's Day. It benefits everyone. Those assholes who actually got some can get some actual sleep, and it gives the rest of us time to sober up.
7) Someone to tell me that it's alright to sluff around in my jammies all day and hate anyone who's in love who isn't me.
8) Jammies that have the feet on the bottom. Those things fucking rock.
9) Someone to bring me a Lou Malnaties or Little Italian Pizza, in the nude. (Refer to #5).

That's all for now. So make with the flowers and candies, bitches.

Steak and a Blow Job Day

Fuck V Day

Until the Violence Stops

Top 10 Reasons Valentines Day Still Sucks


Sean said...


You weren't wanting something else, were you?

Brandon said...

Claire rocks. Now I can comment. YAY!

The Man of your Dreams said...

Drop me an e-mail and I'll bring the pizza. How about some white castle too?

Love ya, thanks for the B-day present.

Brass said...

You all suck at comments. Turn 'em off Clare, better not to know than read this shit. It's also far more flattering when your peons know how to spell your name.


Bob said...

Omg I am so cool. I came up with half your links today.

Clare said...

And I appriciate it, Bobert.

s said...

loved the links!

i think i'd fall in love with the guy instantly if he gave me fight club on v-day. and i'd fall in hate, if he gave me a hallmark card and flowers!