Friday, September 24, 2004

Check out my links, people. I just added one for perhaps my new favorite site, Tucker Max.
I thought my life was fucked up, but no, this guy takes the cake. But he's fuckin hilarious and pretty good looking to boot. I recommend the Blow Job Follies.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

I love my heterolifemate. She always says what everyone thinks.

Here's her take on Emo.

HLM: she's out there and rather emo.
HLM: so i don't know
TweekerChickQC: Blah. Emoness.
HLM: i agree with poole. its a way of being a drama queen without admitting it.
HLM: they're like the pussywhipped cousins of those with real angst.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

It's been a rough couple of days for this blogging chick. One of my friends passed away.

Sandra "Bo" Glines
1965 - 2004

Funeral services celebrating the life of Sandra "Bo" Glines, 38, of Bettendorf, will be 10 a.m. today at McGinnis-Chambers Funeral Chapel, Bettendorf. Burial will be in Davenport Memorial Park Cemetery. Bo loved motorcycles and friends with motorcycles are welcome to join the procession to the cemetery. Visitation was 2 to 4 and 6 to 8 p.m. Monday at the funeral home. Memorials may be made to the family.
Bo died Saturday, Sept. 18, 2004, at University Hospital in Iowa City following an extended illness.
Sandra Dawn Patterson was born Nov. 20, 1965, in Davenport, the daughter of Richard and Sally (Shaffer) Patterson. She grew up in Bettendorf and attended Pleasant Valley High School. She married Kenneth A. Glines on May 27, 1987, in Bettendorf. She had worked in childcare and operated a window cleaning business.
Bo's wide interests ranged from "Little House on the Prairie" to professional wrestling; porcelain dolls to Harleys. She was outspoken and strong minded, liked verbal sparring, and could trade barbs with the best. She participated in softball and volleyball, and played to win.
Those who knew Bo will remember her humor and quick wit, along with her colorful style of expression. She looked forward to any holiday, and her family's celebrations have created many lasting memories. She had a special way with children, and was especially fond of her grandson, Tyler. Bo was a truly unique individual. She approached all that she did with great passion and tenacity, and these qualities remained strong during her battle with illness. She will be dearly missed by family and friends.
Those left to honor her memory include husband, Ken; a daughter, Kimberly Dawn Glines, and her companion, David Rose, Bettendorf; her mother, Sally Patterson, of Davenport; her grandmother, Martha Shaffer, of Davenport; her sister, Bonnie Davidson, of Pleasant Valley; her brothers, Richard Patterson, of Davenport, and Michael Patterson, of Moline; her grandson, Tyler Rose; her mother-in-law, Thelma Glines, of LeClaire, Iowa; nine nieces and nephews; and a large extended family.
She was preceded in death by her father and father-in-law, Glen Glines.

I'll miss you Bo. Give em hell.
I'm immature. I know this. I found a site that turns websites into 80s slang. Never being one to leave well enough alone, I went surfing on CNN with it. So I'm going to leave y'all with a good one, and try to pass it off as a real update.

"Dork falls 500 feet in Grand Canyon
GRAND CANYON NATIONAL PARK, Arizona (AP) -- A dork was like, you know, scoped croaked after falling from a trail in Grand Canyon National Park and landing like, you know, about 500 feet below, a park spokeswoman said Monday.

Efforts to recover the dork's body using a helicopter were hampered by high wind Monday and park spokeswoman Leah McGinnis said an attempt would be made Tuesday.

It was like, you know, an unclear why the dork fell while hiking Saturday, McGinnis said. His wife totally had been walking in front of him and didn't see him fall.

Authorities didn't release the dork's identity"

I'm having a bad day.
One of my favorite coworkers passed away.

Michael Pollard
1955 - 2004

Michael L. Pollard, 48, of Moline, died Thursday, Sept. 16, 2004, at his home.
Funeral services will be 11 a.m. Tuesday, Sept. 21, at Mt. Zion Missionary Baptist Church, East Moline. Visitation will be on Monday from 6 to 8 p.m. at Esterdahl Mortuary Ltd., 6601 38th Ave., Moline. Burial will be at Riverside Cemetery, Moline. Memorials may be made to establish an eductional fund for Nathan.
Michael was born Sept. 26, 1955, in Davenport, the son of Lawrence and Annette (Leavy) Pollard.
Michael was an officer for county and federal institutions and also a residential counselor for Valley Shelter, Davenport.
Michael enjoyed practicing the martial arts, and being in the outdoors. He was also a news and history buff. He was a member of the Jesus Church of the Quad Cities, Silvis, Ill.
Survivors include son, Nathan McCray Pollard, Chicago; father, Lawrence Pollard, Moline; mother, Annette Pollard, Moline; previously married to Judith McCray, Chicago; sisters, Devra Pollard, Tampa, Fla., and Michele Pollard (Edwards Nunn), Woodbury, Minn.; cousin, DeWitt Pollard; and special friends, Chris Jenkins and Jerrlyn Crabtree and Aaron Arrington.
He will also be missed by many aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins and friends.
He was preceded in death by a brother, Duane, and his paternal and maternal grandparents.

Now I don't know who's going to be ready with a flashlight, pen, or quick wit when I need one.

Friday, September 17, 2004

Hey y'all. This is just a quick blurb because I have a stats test to flip out about.
But here's a new link for you guys.
She emailed me and asked me to link her up, and after reading her content she seems pretty ok. Even if she is a girl.
So here you go.

A New York Escorts Confessions

Sunday, September 12, 2004

This is update 1 of 3,492,325 as soon as I get them written. It?s been a really bad few days.

The one thing about college that drives me nuts is that although there are all sorts of new people, most of them are douchebags. So I present to you, the defining characteristics and ways of identifying these asshats.

I. Future sorority girls. These are the most easily identifiable by their use of words such as "like" and "ohmigod". They are normally found leaning against the wall outside of the popular dormitories. Not because this is cool, simply because they are normally too drunk to figure out the intricate workings of the door. Their distinguishing characteristics include abnormally tall shoes, heavy foundation and the chronic inability to dress appropriately for the weather. You can often find these girls crying in the bathroom mumbling phrases such as "he promised he'd call" and "he said he loved me".

II. Future fraternity boys. These are the perfect compliment to the girls above. They are normally very good looking, with perfectly styled hair. They wear Abercrombie shirts, with cut off khaki shorts, and flip flops even in 3 feet of snow and sub zero temperatures. They contribute very little to conversations, but can make a hell of a beer bong. They spend a lot of time with their friends, comparing notes about the future sorority girls.

III. Future hate crime victims. Every college campus has these, however, being a liberal arts campus, we seem to have the monopoly. These people are often openly gay or bisexual, and feel the need to share it with the world. They walk around with shaved heads, rainbow clothing, cut off army pants and Doc Martens. Their faces are constantly pierced, and most of them drive cutesy SUVs with vanity plates that state things like "ieatit2" which are barely visible beyond the many rainbow stickers. If you hate them, it's not because they are douche bags. It's because they are gay. If they get a speeding ticket, it's not because they were going thirty miles over the speed limit in a school zone and ran over a small child, it's because they are bisexual. Their sexuality is a badge for the entire world to behold.

IV. Hippies. You can't miss them. They spend most of their time in the quad, laying on their backs, polluting the air with the sounds of New Age music and phrases like "Man". The males are easily identifiable because most tend to look like Jesus in a tye-dye shirt and ripped jeans. The hemp necklaces are a dead give away.

V. Women's Studies Majors/Feminists. These people scare the crap out of me. If not for the lack of personal hygiene (yes, shaving can be considered personal hygiene) or the lack of necessary undergarments (Bras. Please) the lack of any common sense seems to do them in. Everyone is sexist. I'm sexist because I'd rather hang out with males than females. You're sexist because I know you're only reading this because it's written by a somewhat good looking female. Society sucks because women wear bras and makeup, and men get to run around like Neanderthal slobs. At least, that's what they think. Not only do women deserve rights, they deserve more rights than most men. Men are Neanderthal pigs that are inherently rapists and only good for fixing my car. These are the females who oppose words like "Mankind" or "Postman" for "Humankind" and "Postwoman". They also like to conjugate in large groups and scream like wild banshees about "Taking back the night" with their sisters.

VI. Stoners. Gotta love the stoners, because the stoners love you. Technically, they love everyone. These are the ones that sit next to you in philosophy in a tyedye shirt with a bucket hat pulled down over their eyes. Sunglasses are a necessity, even at midnight. These are the people who truly understand the wonders of green koolaid, how cool philosophy is, and why Bob Marley really is god. They are not to be confused with Hippies. Hippies don't like the man, Stoners could give a shit about the man unless he's bogarting the blunt. These are the guys to chill with, as they are normally the funniest people alive.

VII. Sluts. Every campus has one of these. I will spare the noticeable characteristics of these creatures, and instead give you a story (with fuzzy details, seeing as this was years ago). It was the first night on campus and I was lucky enough to go home with a certain good looking Frat Guy who lived off campus. After laying in his bed and talking about random shit, we decided it was time to pass out. He handed me a pair of boxers to chill in and a t-shirt. Little did I know that the girl who went through the fraternity in almost its entirety had used those shorts. I spent the rest of the night convinced that I was going to catch ghonnasyphaherpelypse from the goddamn boxer shorts he lent me. This is why we don't like sluts.

More later, when I get mad, get done with this paper, or feel like it.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Jesus christ. I've been called a bad friend before, but I think this guy wins the award.

I would've atleast picked up the head.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Guess whos drunk?
Oh it's me. Thus, this post isn't going to be spell checked.
Thanks Adam, Jen, Bouge, and my Heterolifemate.
It wa ssuper fun. Pictures soon, I hope.

Anyway, here are some links for you guys until I sober up:
And here I thought it only made you go blind.

An old favorite.

This guy is just the shit.

Yay for alchohol. Now, if only chris woulf come give me my snuggles, I'd be happy.