It's really damn cold outside. Welcome to winter in Chicago.

It's cold, it's wet and it's the prettiest time of year to go downtown.

I live in one of the greatest cities in the world, and I don't spend nearly enough time enjoying it. That's why I decided I'm going to celebrate my new gig at Myspace (Yea, I told you! Big!) by going to the city.

I think I'll do the touristy thing, finish my Christmas shopping and maybe meet a French guy for lunch.

I'm almost looking forward to some time in Chicago by myself. The problem? It's really flipping expensive. I have serious problems paying out the nose for something I can find cheaper in the suburbs, but on the same token I love going downtown.

Is it possible to do bargain shopping in downtown Chicago without stealing anything?

I don't know if it's the time of year, or if I'm going through some sort of biological clock-y thing, but I've been super nostalgic lately.

And this nostalgia has caused me to make bad life decisions, the latest of which was downloading Mortal Kombat II for my Playstaton 3.

When I was little, I remember spending hours sitting two feet from the TV with my twin sister, Nintendo controller in hand, playing Mortal Kombat II for hours on end. I even found ways to cheat (ie: sweeping her feet out from under her, freezing her continuously, etc.)

I was 10 years old, and I kicked massive ass at that game.

Now, I'm 28 years old, and I have18 more years of hand eye coordination under my belt. This should be a breeze, right?

You'd think.

You'd be wrong.

I'm getting my ass kicked. All over the place. I can't even get past the first level of this game. The first 3 times I played I didn't even get a chance to hit the guy before he killed me.

10 year old me is very disappointed in old loser me.

Generally speaking, I like Christmas shopping. Once I get over the hurdle of buying things for other people, I tend to do pretty well.

However, the one thing that sucks is that I have yet to figure out exactly how to do all of my shopping online, thus I am forced to deal with actual people. Which isn't always so bad, I was actually having a pretty pleasant shopping trip.

Until I stopped at Marshalls.

They had these over the knee black suede boots I had to buy right now or I will absolutely die so I stopped in. After grabbing a few things, I stood with the other 9 people in line. After waiting a ridiculous amount of time, I finally got to the checkout.

I decided to get my sister and her boyfriend a Christmas ornament with their new baby's handprint in it (cute right?), and I was checking out the cashier who I will refer to as "Miss Mary Sunshine" noticed it.
The conversation went like this:
MMS: That's cute.
Me: I think so too! I have a new niece and I think that would be a sweet gift.
MMS: They have one of these for pets at Walgreens.
Me: Seriously?
MMS: Yea.

At this point, a smart person would've let her finish scanning my crap and gotten the hell out of there, but the alarm bells hadn't gone off yet. (Remind me to get those looked at) But No, I had to open my big fat cake hole and continue the conversation.
Me: I never noticed that, I should check it out for my Mom.
MMS: I was going to get one for my sisters dog. She has a Pekinhuahua (Ok, I made that part up. I can't remember what kind of fucking dog it was, sue me).
Me: Aww how cute.
MMS: Not really.
Me: ....
MMS: I think they're ugly creatures.
Me:....
MMS:
Me: I guess I get spoiled with my cute little Pomeranian.
MMS: Yea, well my dog died in my arms so I decided no more animals for me.

Now, I'm not a terrible person all the time, and I have total sympathy for anyone who has lost a beloved pet, and this was obviously a recent event. So, against my better judgment, I decided to keep talking to her while she scanned out all eight million things I fucking bought because this is the longest most uncomfortable conversation ever.

The Dumbass Also Known As Me: I'm so sorry to hear that.
MMS: Yea, I loved her alot.
Me: That's really rough especially this time of year.
Holy lord how many more things can I possibly have in that cart?!
MMS: It was 6 years ago.

Six. Years. Ago. It was at that point that the absurdity of this conversation hit me, and in spite of myself I let out a half smile. It was either that or uncontrollable laughter, so I chose the smile as not to offend everyone.

Me: Well I can see why you'd decide no more animals. I'd be lost if something happened to Zoe, we've always had dogs around.
MMS: Well, it's easy to say that. Just wait till one of your dogs dies, then you'll understand.

It was right about then that I decided that I hated this woman. I'm 28 years old, I don't know how old she thought my dog was, but I think it's pretty safe to assume that someone who is almost 30 who has always had dogs around has probably experienced the loss of a pet at some point. Or owns the oldest dog in the history of the goddamn world.

I might have gotten a little mean.

Me: I've actually lost 3 dogs.
MMS: And you just replaced it with another one? I don't understand how people just do that.
Me: Not replaced, we rescued another dog and it just happened to be after one of my dogs passed.
MMS: So you replaced her.
Me: That's a little harsh. Are you always like this?
MMS: Excuse me?
Me: Non wonder your dog died, it was probably trying to get the fuck away from you and decided death was better than listening to any more of your shit.

And then I grabbed my bags, turned on my heel and left.

I may be the worst person ever.

This is why I hate Christmas shopping. I was in a decent mood, I was even kind of excited about the snow falling and it being pretty out. But no. By the time I got home I was depressed, missing my funny Lahso Apso that used to hide under her paws, and I kind of wanted to strangle that lady.



Merry Fucking Christmas.