Friday, July 24, 2009

Since I lost Internet, I had not been keeping up with my promise to post some of my random linkage.

My bad.

Here, check out Post Cards From Yo Momma.

For all of us who miss our Moms, it's a collection of conversations other people have had with theirs.

One of my favorites:
Me: I don’t know what to get my husband for his birthday
Mom: Well, I don’t know if the standards are higher in New York, but in Oakridge, a 6-pack and a blowjob would do. That’s all men around here want.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Ugh. I haven't had a lot to blog about lately so I just haven't. Oh, and the not being paid on time ever resulting in my internet being cut off definitely put a crimp in things for awhile.

Then work sucked the life out of me for awhile. Nothing quite like almost being laid off, responding with "no, I don't think so", and managing to in the span of 24 hours become "a valuable part of the company".

I deserve a plaque for that. Apparently, it takes a serious set of brass testicles to look at someone who just told you that they didn't want to employ you anymore and say "No."

Extra points because they then asked if I would work part time. Again, I said "No, I don't think so."

Apparently, when other people get laid off, they actually do things like...leave.

The entire situation is giving me gray hair and it's making me more a bitchy, miserable person than I was before. Nothing says "Happy Tuesday" like going home, drinking three glasses of wine and sobbing hysterically to my poor, sweet ex boyfriend who made the mistake of calling me in the middle of it.

I say that's what he gets for calling me anyway. But he gets points, he did make me feel loads better.

In case you're wondering? Having to worry if today is the day they're going to lay you off sucks big huge donkey balls.

So does the fact that I am the only person on earth who can wind up with a streaky tan using gradual tanning lotion. I didn't think it was possible, but it is. Part of my leg is so white its blinding, and the 'gradual tan' the rest of me has sets it off beautifully.

Anyway, I have Internet at home now, so I'm back!

I know, I missed me too.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Just popping in to wish everyone a happy 4th of July.

I'm going to be in Indiana with my fat Pomeranian, so I hope you all have a fun, safe holiday.

Don't blow off any of your fingers.

And check out Passive Aggressive Notes. It's one of my new favorite sites and it's hilarious.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

I used to think that I had the worst luck with dating.

Actually, I still think that. Put 49 well adjusted highly successful men in one room with one highly successful working addict with mental problems, and 99% of the time I'll automatically pick the addict as the hottest in the room. It's my gift, I find dysfunctional men. This also makes me a brilliant recruiter because I can just tell but I digress.

My friend Rachel Chang? Totally beats me.

Everyone has dated someone older before. It's one of those things that make us all human, and tie us all together. That and pornography. Generally, you realize that dating a forty-year old when you're twenty just isn't going to work and you part ways. (There are notable exceptions, shut your hole).

Unless you're Rachel Chang.

If you're Rachel, you go about your daily life, buy a house, and meet your neighbors, only to discover that your new next door neighbor is the forty-year old you probably shouldn't have dated in the first place.

So what does she do? Calls me for support. You'd assume she'd know better by now.

Since I couldn't give her any advice through the hysterical laughter last night, I'll do it here.

There are two obvious ways to deal with this.

You either have to set fire to his house, or move.

Good luck.

Anyway, here's my link for the day, from the Foggy Monocle. I ADORE that website, but this is my favorite entry ever.

Poke around the rest of the site, it's great.