I'm a pervert. A curious pervert, but a pervert nonetheless. I seemed to get my grubby paws on a link to the Paris Hilton Sex Tape on the condition that I watch it with a certain Blogmaster and compare notes.
And watch I did, ready to be left hornier than a 14 year old boy with Cinemax and a tube sock.
Those are 3 minutes of my life I'll never get back. For the 45 seconds of actual fucking there was in the video, there was 2 minutes 15 seconds of Paris Hilton frolicking around, making sure the angle of the camera was right for her.
She wasn't having sex with him. She was having sex with the camera. He spent most of the video spanking the monkey, because she was busy doing things like answering her cellphone (no, I am not making that up.)
I may never have sex again. She's ruined it for bitches everywhere.
Not only has she soiled the otherwise wonderful name of porn, she's a pretty fuckin bad lay from what I can tell. Poor guy needs someone who will shut the cell phone off, or atleast turn it to vibrate and do something useful with it.
The more I looked at it, the more I was sure that this was the sequel to the Blair Witch Project, and they indeed found her. Who knew the Blair Witch was Paris Hilton?