It's been awhile. My apologies to my loyal few readers. In the past couple of weeks, I've learned alot about myself and about life. And I fully intend on boring you with them right now.
1) No matter how much you love someone, and they love you, the minute the jackass gets a girlfriend, you aren't shit to him. You could save his life, his dog, and give him a million dollars, but unless you are the STD ridden slut he's banging, you aren't anything.
2) Every single one of my guy friends wants me when they are loaded. It's some weird thing. After three or four beers, I become the perfect woman.
3) Every man should have three or four beers to start their day, with three or four at lunch to mantain. (If you are questioning my reasoning about this, see number 2).
4) I am a damn good bartender. And it's not because I have a nice rack. Gino even says so. And if YOU want to argue with a man named Gino, be my guest.
5) Leaving on a week vacation is a great idea. Sometimes your parents decide that they miss you so much that they will forgo the $800 you owe them, in exchange for you picking them up brats on the way home. Also, sometimes your wonderful employees decide it's a good idea to insult big name rockstars who buy cold medicine, because the boss is out of town.
6) I either have serious mental problems that I didn't notice until now, or something is funny with my bloodsugar. In the past four days, I'm ranking up 4 screaming fits, 3 sobbing outbursts, 1 knock out drag out fight about a radio, and a plethora of the most sarcastic and insanely psychotic comments I've ever made. Thus, I've scheduled a blood test for the second I get back into town. It's for everyones good.
7) Blood tests hurt. Alot. I can get poked in the tongue by a hot guy weilding a needle and smoking a cigarette, but stick me in a sanitary doctors office with a lady wearing white shoes, and I'm as good as dead.
8) No one in the Chicagoland area but me can drive. Seriously. I learned to drive here, and I'm damn good at it. Everyone else is either psychotic or a fucking loon.
9) Bin Laden is staying in my hotel and has hit on my sister. Three times, according to her. I have yet to see him once. I'll take her word for it.
10) I attract one kind of man, and one kind of man only. The balding middle aged men I wouldn't touch with a 12 foot pole and my asshole ex boyfriend pushing, who drive old minivans with children (one can only hope the children belong to them...) in the back.
11) Raising ones eyebrows is now an acceptable come on. Raising one's middle finger in return is also quite acceptable.
I'm done for now. More later.
Be good, my favorite readers!!